Grief is a sad farewell to something dear

At the news of a friend passing, I immediately went into grief mode. The tears flowed, my heart hurt and anger crept in. As the tears continued, thoughts of him and his wonderful soul took over the anger and questions that first went through my mind.

I looked online for an appropriate proverb to encompass my emotions and found many sad, sorrowful sayings that were fitting for my mood. Then I stumbled across a proverb that says, ‎"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." These words struck my inner most emotion. Why does one really weep in moment of intense sorrow? It is for the loss of the moments of happiness we've experienced in life. Knowing those moments have ended and life has forced a sudden change on us that we did not want.

This true is for any grievance of the heart, whether it is a loss of a friend, the ending of a dear relationship or a change that causes us to abandon the path we loved, like losing a job or moving from a hometown. The tears are not actually shed for any future possibility. Life will continue to move forward and new relationships, adventures and possibilities will continue to fill our hearts with gladness. Our pain is for the past. The memories of what were and the beauty in the moments we've lived.

Drying my eyes, I began to smile at the thought of his kind eyes, boyish grin and deep soulful conversations. The moments of grief will continue to creep in my mind in waves, but there is also celebration of who he was as a person. The joy he brought to everyone he knew. Thoughts to hold onto as sweet as the moments when they were lived.

I will continue to mourn the loss of things in life that end, but a new light on my sadness has beamed in my heart. I will combat my grief with joy and remember the "delight" that was once a part of my life.

Cutting the Safety Net

As children we have to ask permission before making a move, as adults we hold ourselves back because of morals, inhibitions, finances, security, being scared and numerous other excuses on why we shouldn't take risks, seek adventure, step outside of our comfort zone and open ourselves up to fail.

The 15th -17th centuries man kind set off on an age of exploration. People risked everything they had, life included, to set out and explore the world, find treasure, change their atmosphere. This fearless exploration enhanced society with knowledge and wisdom. We found the world was not flat, delicious spices and salts could make food a delicacy, and new nations were born. Somewhere we have become too eager to accept safe. There is very little land left to claim, but what about in our own lives?

This past week, as I sat around a table with friends and cocktails, we jokingly suggested jumping in a car and driving to New Orleans for the weekend. A day later, I was sitting in Cafe Du Monde eating beignets at 11 pm. There was no reason not to actually jump in the car and go. What did I miss? 40 degree temperatures, storms and flooding. What did I experience? 85 degrees, sunny, a food festival, many cocktails and random adventure.

We all have a bucket list, but why wait until you are on death's door to check it off? Jump on it. I have established a firm belief of living on a whim. Structure is great. Making sure all priorities are done is very important, but life isn't filled with musts. Musts become excuses.

A girlfriend once suggested that regrets aren't based off of the things we do, but the things we miss out on. I subscribe to that belief. Failure translates into experience and knowledge. Missed opportunity translates into regret. Cut the safety net and experience life!

Defining Oneself

I often find others inquiring the definition of myself; those little questions that ponder who I am behind the smile, witty comments and silly shenanigans. So it makes me wonder, what exactly does it mean to define oneself? To create definition of who you are beyond the external...clarify misconceptions, embody the essence of your id/ego? But how do you define yourself when human beings are far more complex than the single meaning adjectives used to describe them. We are all innately contrary individuals.

The description of myself highly depends on the situations I am going through at the moment, the mood I am in and how much or how little sleep I have had. I am a much more sinister individual after too little sleep or when first waking up. Don't judge me at those times or you may think my mother bore the anti-christ.

So, how would I describe myself? I am a vagabond spirit. My soul wonders from adventure to adventure searching for the beauty and good in this world. I am a deep thinker, as you will learn. I observe and pick apart the different situations I find myself in and the different people I meet. I like to get to the core of my excavations. I love with no abandon. I am not afraid of pain or hard work because there is wisdom in both. I am not one who can be defined as anything else but complex, intricate or contrary.

I hope you will enjoy the adventures my words will bring you as I journal my random deep thoughts about situations, emotions and people. I'm taking a journey and I invite anyone to come along for the ride.